I often get asked how I maintain my somewhat overweight figure, and besides genetics, it boils down to my refusal to run. I know many of you can relate. I can look in a mirror at my ever-expanding gut, think to myself that I need to “start running again” then sickeningly feel that deep and intense hatred I have for the self-torturing act called running.
Today I share 7 reasons why I hate running.
- It is unnatural for me. Some people look as if they were born to run. I look as if I were born to lie down. Running goes against all that is natural for me, physically, emotionally, and psychologically.
- I look like an idiot when I run. Some people look like gazelles or cheetahs when they run. I look like a ferret running on its hind legs.
- Jesus didn’t run. Since I am trying to follow the way of Jesus, I have to assume that I shouldn't run either. Here’s my logic:
- The Bible records the important things that Jesus said and did.
- The Bible doesn’t record that Jesus ever ran.
- Since it is not in the Bible, running was not an important thing for Jesus. Therefore, since I am trying to follow the ways of Jesus, not running is actually an act of devotion.
- I’m slow. I can’t even cross the street before the light changes back. I was actually beaten by an ant once. I mean it was a really fast ant, but still…
- Time commitment. Because of my advanced age (41), it actually takes me longer to prepare to run than the actual run. After I run 2 miles in an hour and a half, I have to wait an hour to cool down so that I can take a shower.
- Body pains. I can handle the shin splints, back pains, blisters, and cramps, but I can’t get past the chafing. (If you’re not sure what “chafing” is, please don’t search google images.)
- Internal tension. At about .4 miles, I have an internal argument about why in the world this is good for me. It goes something like this:
Body – This is stupid, what are you doing to me?
Brain – This is good for you. It will help give you stamina.
Body – I don’t need stamina, I need a coke.
Brain – But you don’t want to be fat do you?
Body – I’m fine with that.
Brain – But you need to be healthy for your family.
Body – No I don’t. I have a good life insurance policy.
Brain – Just a bit further. Hang in there.
Body – But I just need a little break, then I can run faster in a few minutes.
Brain – Don’t stop. It will be hard to get started again.
Body – Hey, why don’t you just think about what you can write for your blog post while I take a little break.
Brain – I do want to write something about fantasy football, and… Hey, wait a second! Nice try, body.
Are you a runner? Can we still be friends even if I think you are insane?