Is It ADHD, Or Are You a Crappy Parent?

I have found myself in a couple ADHD conversations over the last couple weeks and I want to clarify a few things. If you are easily offended, stop reading here because I will not apologize for these opinions. I won’t debate the accuracy or validity of my statements, and I won’t say what you need to hear to make you feel better. These are my opinions and I am entitled to them. If you have your own, write them down and share them with the internet… This is not peer reviewed, I am not citing any sources and I am not providing any footnotes or bibliography. Read it, think about it, and take it as a document written by a construction worker, not a therapist.

I have seen internet memes that say “Sorry, but I can’t spank the ADHD out of my kid”. Well, My question is, have you tried? OR, Are you just unwilling to discipline them and is that the reason that your kid is a complete jerk and runs around and acts like a maniac, because he knows that there are no consequences. I think that in many cases that is the truth. The parent just refuses to d what it takes to control their child.

But it can’t be the parents fault, can it? Few parents are willing to accept that they may be the reason their kid is an asshole. It can’t be their parenting style and it certainly isn’t the fact that they work a jillion hours to buy a new car / boat / house while ignoring their offspring. It has to be a medical condition. There must be some imbalance in these kids brains that makes them jerks. Simple solution: drug them into submission. 

So doctors who are unwilling to tell parents that they suck, and schools who are unwilling to tell parents that they suck, and churches, co workers, and friends who are unwilling to tell people the awful truth, have led to a fake epidemic outbreak of ADHD. Now every boy who wants to run instead of walk, talk before raising his hand, spin in circles at the water fountain line, or slide on his knees down the hall is a mental case in need of narcotics to regulate their behavior. 

I have news for you… ADHD (as most of you know it) isn’t real. It’s a cop out for lazy. It’s the easy way out for parents, teachers, and even lazy kids who realize that there are advantages to their diagnosis as well. Did you know that with your bullshit ADHD diagnosis you can get extra time to complete standardized tests and college entrance exams? It’s true. Instead of knowing how to do the math problems, you can just claim a disease and get extra time to work it out. What a crock.

What you may not know, is that I was diagnosed ADHD and drugged for a couple years. Now, those of you who know me well probably are not surprised. I can be a bit hyperactive and I wasn’t any better when I was a kid, so it isn’t a stretch to think that I could have easily become a victim of a society that finds it easier to drug children into submission than to adapt and learn better ways to discipline, educate or otherwise interact. 

What you also won’t know is that I was smart. Not just a little smart, but often too smart for my own good. I understood the consequences of my actions. I understood that running down the halls and jumping to hang from the door jambs was going to get me in trouble. But you know what, I liked doing it. It was fun then, and it still is. Guess what else; this ‘trouble’ that you got in was usually something lame like writing your name on the board, sitting in the hallway, or a different letter on the conduct line of your report card! Oh No, super scary stuff. I can have fun and basically nothing will happen, or I can march in a line through a hallway filled with insipid little Russian army robots on my way to the next mass brainwashing class. I think I’ll run and jump. Write my name on the board. I can take it.

So when I was diagnosed as ADD, (I don’t think they had added the “h” back then), it was time to start Ritalin. Basically, these brilliant doctors and pharmacists flood your brain with dopamine, in the exact same way that cocaine does, in an attempt to make children more focused and in control. Is it any wonder why so many adults addicted to cocaine were once Ritalin users? They enjoy that feeling, and they were taught by their teachers, doctors and parents that the focus you achieve while taking stimulant drugs is good. 

I don’t need to get into all the issues of what is wrong with Ritalin or Adderall. Google either and you will be overloaded with facts about the damage these drugs can do to the minds of children. Suffice it to say, it ain’t pretty. But what I do want to talk about is that even when drugged, kids have choices. I did a number of experiments while on Ritalin in middle school that went kind of like this:

Day 1, don’t take either pill, breakfast or lunch, but don’t run in the halls or talk out of turn.
Results: Teachers said I was good…
Day 2, take both pills, and do the same thing.
Results: Same
Day 3, Take both pills but run, laugh, and goof off.
Results: Teachers freak, send notes home, Somebody forgot to take pills
Day 4, Don’t take pills do the same thing:
Results: More notes, another bad day…
Day 5, Friday, Don’t take pills, but behave anyway…It’s Friday and you don’t want to be grounded all weekend.
Results: Everyone is ecstatic that you had a good day after 2 bad ones in a row. You get to do stay up late on Friday, do something special on Saturday, etc. 

My experiment conclusion: ADHD drugs have no effect on the choices kids make. While they do increase the levels of dopamine in your system, they do not change what your values or beliefs are. They certainly do not stop you from a cost/benefit analysis when deciding if writing your name on the board is worth running and sliding down the freshly polished handicap ramp on the knees of your new corduroy pants (totally worth it). 

You want your kids to be better behaved at school, church, home, at restaurants, etc? Show them where they can be kids. Teach them the right time and place. Let them know it’s ok to ride the shopping cart to the car, slide down the halls, swing from door jambs, and be kids…at the right time, in the right places. And make sure that the punishment for being an asshole is bad enough that their cost benefit analysis will skew towards good behavior instead of being willing to accept the consequences because they just are not that bad.

Finally,  I don't deny that there may be a real thing called ADHD, but as a child diagnosed with it, and an adult capable of displaying those symptoms as well, I know for a fact that ADHD, is not what most people believe it is. For those people who do actually suffer from this rare mental health condition, I feel sorry for them and wish them nothing but the best in their continued mental health treatments and hope they can find a way to manage their symptoms without masking the great things that make them unique.

Ok, one more final thought. My kids are not perfect. They can be rude, insensitive, grumpy, hyperactive, rambunctious, and annoying. In short, they are kids... But I'll also admit they are a product of their parenting. I blame their mother.