Editor's note: the following is a letter sent by Antony Bordoli, a Snellville resident who experienced abuse by his Boy Scout troop leader in Miami, Florida. He was a member of troop #64. In his letter, he imagines what he would say to his abuser today.
Bordoli's abuse occurred in the mid-80s, from when he was 11 years old through 16. Therapy has helped him cope with the memories of the abuse and the pain caused by the disbelief of family members.
While this letter focuses on one man, the second in command scoutmaster, Bordoli was abused by more than one during his time as a Boy Scout.
His abusers have not been charged.
Warning: this story contains graphic content.
To my abuser,
It has been 24 years since you last abused your position of authority as an assistant scoutmaster and a trusted family friend.
You evidently prefer them young because as I turned 16 your attentions turned more to my younger brother. When we spent the weekend at your house together I know you must have suffered being outnumbered and unable to harvest either of us except during play fights where my brother and I would wrestle with you on the bed or living room floor.
You were so scientific and smart in your approach to creating new playthings. First you would tell us seemingly harmless off-color jokes about mutilating babies and test us to see if we would repeat them to our parents after our visit. I must have disappointed you at first when I did exactly that. We then knew that anything lewd that was discussed in the future was a secret and shouldn't be repeated to our parents because "they wouldn't understand and they'd take it out of context".
Ever so slowly you worked on your victims (that other Boy Scout, the boy in your neighborhood, me and eventually my brother and that younger Boy Scout that told his parents, causing the troop to fold). I wonder if my brother and I were the most willing to buy into your trust testing games including the slow momentum you employed when touching us in intimate ways week after week. Were your other victims as compliant and trusting?
Not taking into account statutes of limitation on prosecution for your offenses, I, to this day, allow you to live outside of a caged society.
Your "freedom" you owe to me and the other victims that protect you. I can count on one hand the victims that I know of.
I can only imagine the hands that I would need to count the additional victims over the past 24 years. During our last conversation a few years ago you said that the neighbor's son was coming over for homework help. Are you as daring and calculating now as you were when we lived locally? When your mother had to move in due to old age I know that that presented a speedbump for your urges.
You are a sick person and you need help. I don't know how to help you without alerting the authorities, but by doing so you may lose your freedom, and, that, I cannot bring myself to take away from you because although what you did was wrong in the eyes of society, we carry the shame of enjoying the feelings that you made us feel under your caring, loving and trusted control. You never forced us to do anything that you hadn't programmed us to want to take part in willingly.
We cannot bring ourselves to hate you nor can we stop you from repeating your abuse on future generations of victims. I could not face having to see you in a court while testifying against you. All you would do is deny everything.
Only upon your death will I know that you are done.
Your Loyal Abused